Do you know why you hurt people who are the closest to you? It’s because you are looking for fulfillment in someone close at hand. You have brought something into the relationship, a desire of some kind that is not being met and conflict arises. We are all selfish and fail miserably from time to time. But there is hope.
Why you should apologize
In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus felt so strongly about reconciliation that he told his followers it took precedence over their offerings to God. They were to seek out the person they had harmed and apologized before coming back to God and completing their offering.
Friend, if you do not love the people around you all that other stuff you are doing to be close to God won’t matter. Faith is expressed in love. You will not have a satisfying relationship with God when you refuse to reconcile with people.
When you apologize
Do you want peace? This isn’t the place to confront or try to get them to see things from your perspective. This is a time to confess your own wrong. Make an effort to see from their vantage point, to employ empathy, and to offer the opportunity for reconciliation. If all you ever do is blame you will never find peace.
You have to own your part of the conflict. Perhaps you are not fully to blame. Rarely does conflict happen where only one party holds 100% of the fault. But in order for the conversation to even happen, you have to first own your part. This doesn’t heal the hurt but it is the first step towards releasing the hurt.
Repentance is admitting you are wrong, and then to the best of your ability, making sure it doesn’t happen again. When you authentically apologize, you will go to ridiculous lengths to not cause that same hurt again.
Peace is possible when you have pursued everything within your power. Have you? Have you gone to the person and apologized? Whether or not they forgive you is irrelevant. That is their portion. All you can do is repent, pledge to not do it again, and then show them you are trustworthy.
An apology does not heal a relationship. It offers an open door. Reconciliation requires two willing parties.
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