How the church can start talking about sex

Bryant Golden Blog

Sex is an interesting topic in Christian  communities. Many churches won’t touch the topic outside of talking about how sex should remain within marriage — that’s about as far as many will go. 

Folks, people have been around for thousands and thousands of years. Almost all of them have sex. It’s part of who we are, rather, who God designed us to be. So let’s stop acting weird about it and talk about it.

You’ll be fine; hang in there with us.

How to start talking about sex in the church

For too long, Christian books about sex have talked about how men need sex in a relationship to fulfill their marriages. Often, these books overlook the desires of women as if they are not also sexual beings. This is far from the truth.

The church needs to shift its framing of sex from a male lens to a non-gender-specific lens. Men and women like sex. Both want and need it in relationships. It’s not like men have this insatiable drive that women simply tolerate. However, this is the narrative that is often presented in the church.

If you grew up in the church, this might sound familiar. Young men are supposed to have accountability buddies to talk to about controlling their urges. Young women are supposed to be modest so as not to tempt the insatiable young men. What a load of rubbish.

Young men and young women want the same thing. It’s in our DNA. This isn’t to say we should encourage young men and women to just go off and get at it, but instead is to say we need to talk to both of them about sex in a healthy way. The church can provide resources or even host sexual education courses so young men and women can learn about sex in a healthy way, and learn how to respect it instead of fear it. 

In doing so, Christian couples can happily enjoy sex in their marriages instead of feeling awkward or like they’re doing something wrong. Because they’re not. Sex is good. It is a gift from God. Let’s treat it that way.

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