A lot of people who grow up in Christian environments believe that they need to wait until marriage to have sex with their partner. This stems from verses in the New Testament that appear to condemn sexual deviance and highlight sex as a gift from God between two married people.
While there is a value in respecting sex as a sacred thing between two committed people, sometimes Christians can take it a bit too far, leading to the creation of some myths surrounding sex. We need to recognize these myths as untrue and focus on creating realistic, healthy views about sex.
Four myths about sex in Christian marriages
- Sex will be mind blowing if you wait — Waiting until marriage to have sex can be virtuous or spirtually rewarding, but you need to keep your expectations real. There’s a reason there is a common colloquialism that your first time is never the best. Waiting until marriage doesn’t magically change this.
Don’t get us wrong. What happens between you and your partner might be wonderful, but usually, people who are new at sex with one another need to grow into it as they learn more about each other.
Some say sex is like a dance. You don’t automatically know how to dance with a new partner. You learn how each other moves. You learn how to lead and follow. You learn each other’s limits. You get the idea.
- Physical contact is the road to sex — Ever hear about the “Christian side hug”? It’s really a thing. … Some Christian parents or church leaders teach that kissing or hugging are the gateways to sexual deviance. Some even say you shouldn’t hold hands. In reality, there are a lot of decisions you have to make before committing to sex. It doesn’t just happen because you kiss someone and suddenly lose control like in the movies.
- Girls don’t care as much about sex — This is wildly untrue, and churches need to stop pushing this idea. It makes boys feel like untamed monsters and makes girls feel ashamed because they actually do think about sex.
- Marriage removes any guilt or shame — Unfortunately, Christian purity culture, as it’s come to be called, has led to many young people feeling guilty or ashamed about their sexual past or any sexual thoughts. Many enter marriage thinking that will all disappear because it’s now “permissible” for them to have sex, but this baggage sticks around.
Some partners in marriages still feel like they’re doing something wrong. They miss out on the joy of connecting with their partner because they’ve focused for so long on how bad or wicked sex is. If this is a problem for you, you need to seek help from a counselor to help you get through it.
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